It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
