And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
