Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
