Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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