Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
