Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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