It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
