even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
