Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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