Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
