I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
