So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize