the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
