It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
