Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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