remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
