The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
