I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
