1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
