It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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