We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
