Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AM VODKA MAN
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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