she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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