dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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