OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
