Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Panties = found
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
