There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
