i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
