Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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