I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
