You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize