My first STD was from a foam party
I love having hate sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
