i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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