I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
