"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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