i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize