I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize