At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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