Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
