Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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