if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
