so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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