i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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