he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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