6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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