I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
