Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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