I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
