the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
