i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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