she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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