If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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