I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
