I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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