one two three fourrrrnication!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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