miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
