He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
