Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
