i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
