Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize