I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
