I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
