I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
