but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize