We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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