Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(315): View more from New York

The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead

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(818): View more from California

Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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(330): View more from Ohio

The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.

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(281): View more from Texas

So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.

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