We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
