My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
