eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
