once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize