problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
