is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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