I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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