yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
