he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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