Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
