i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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