It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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