just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
