The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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