Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you never un-have a 4some
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
