So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
