I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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