mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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