somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
