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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
