he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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