Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
