If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize